No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
