I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Randomize
