well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
