This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
