I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
