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• (310): View more from California

  I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.

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• (651): View more from Minnesota

  my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends

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• (301): View more from Maryland

  so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.

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• (630): View more from Illinois

  I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.

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  23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce

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• (513): View more from Ohio

  Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.

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• (204): View more from Manitoba

  Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.

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• (631): View more from New York

  The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.

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• (903): View more from Texas

  Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.

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• (319): View more from Iowa

  I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well

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  The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral

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• (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight

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• (650): View more from California

  We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.

  (650): View more from California

  And so far nothing been broken!

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• (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real

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• (972): View more from Texas

  I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities

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• (559): View more from California

  I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right

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• (925): View more from California

  We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.

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