i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Randomize
