he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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