I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat