I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
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I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
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She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts