Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
You smell like a Billy Joel song
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
New Dating App in Dallas For Only The Most Ambitious and Attractive Singles
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?