Texts From Last Night

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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates

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  (201): Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates http://tfl.nu/tqkf
  Replies (7) Good night (630) Bad night (1216)
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  (239): View more from Florida

  I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...

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  (239): I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby... http://tfl.nu/v25y
  Replies (12) Good night (836) Bad night (2876)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???

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  (303): do u usually make out with people before telling them your name??? http://tfl.nu/ocp0
  Replies (27) Good night (4562) Bad night (1460)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.

  (1-847): View more from Illinois

  with a sacreligious after taste.

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  (847): It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut. (1-847): with a sacreligious after taste. http://tfl.nu/wzar
  Replies (7) Good night (2309) Bad night (794)
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  What's wrong?

  (1-503): View more from Oregon

  Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.

  (503): View more from Oregon

  Pussy.

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  (503): What's wrong? (1-503): Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans. (503): Pussy. http://tfl.nu/sltt
  Replies (18) Good night (1035) Bad night (2378)
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??

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  (978): Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"?? http://tfl.nu/v3ie
  Replies (19) Good night (3351) Bad night (2183)
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  (616): View more from Michigan

  Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.

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  (616): Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this. http://tfl.nu/uew9
  Replies (12) Good night (3958) Bad night (1463)
• Favorite

  (307): View more from Wyoming

  I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.

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  (307): I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA. http://tfl.nu/w3eq
  Replies (5) Good night (1744) Bad night (615)
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.

  (606): View more from Kentucky

  Fuck him.

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  (304): When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred. (606): Fuck him. http://tfl.nu/h9q7
  Replies (3) Good night (1493) Bad night (970)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face

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  (617): For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face http://tfl.nu/7t4e
  Replies (5) Good night (511) Bad night (900)
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.

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  (401): Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media. http://tfl.nu/q9vk
  Replies (6) Good night (522) Bad night (323)
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?

  (216): View more from Ohio

  We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.

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  (914): You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow? (216): We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans. http://tfl.nu/x8ub
  Replies (1) Good night (832) Bad night (356)
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone

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  (443): Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone http://tfl.nu/3q0e
  Replies (0) Good night (477) Bad night (306)
• Favorite

  (812): View more from Indiana

  You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?

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  (812): You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you? http://tfl.nu/twmm
  Replies (2) Good night (632) Bad night (282)
• Favorite

  (540): View more from Virginia

  And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad

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  (540): And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad http://tfl.nu/nf3b
  Replies (4) Good night (187) Bad night (296)

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