Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
23 People Reveal The Worst Culture Shock They’ve Ever Experienced While Traveling
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
27 People Confess Their Proudest Fap
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome