she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
