I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
