We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
