I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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