Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
my shit smells like andre
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Randomize
