apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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