FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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