the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
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