I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I was not drunk enough for that final.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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