I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Randomize
