College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
