he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
where are you?
Hypothermia
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
