yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
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