Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
