We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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