If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
