Can i not drive my cunt home
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I checked into jail on foursquare
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
