I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
We are two peas in an std pod
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
