is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
