Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
