The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
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He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
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This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
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