My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
me + whiskey = a bad person
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
