i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
