i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
You brought string cheese to the strip club
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Randomize
