I could make wine with my vomit
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
