Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
