I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
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