she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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