we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
