I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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