Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
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