Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
