she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
