when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
