i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
