Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
