I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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