Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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