Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
