eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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