I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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