I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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