i jhust puked up my retainher.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
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I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
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Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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