I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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