Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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