just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
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