Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Randomize
