I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Randomize
