His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
