when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
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