So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
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dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
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I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize