I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
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At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
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Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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