I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
