Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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