I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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