I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
