I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
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