Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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