mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
This is my gift to your gina
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
