that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
