Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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