Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
