It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
