Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
