I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
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I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
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Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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