i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Randomize
