I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
