I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
