In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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