if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
